The Story of a Tubal

I know, kind of a strange thing to blog about right? I can only say that it is just a funny exchange of words that I thought someone out there might either relate too, or find amusing.

While there is a huge back story that runs behind this let's sum it up as to say that my procedure was scheduled for right after Charlie-Monkey was born and (not to my happiness) was canceled due to OR overbooking. I was then left to make new arrangements during my 6 week postpartum appointment, however now I have to go through the entire consult all over again because they feel that when you are postpartum you might have a change of heart, (all that gushy new mom feelings flowing out might make you decide to have another) little do my doctor's know, I don't change my mind.

So after much bitching and pouting and complaining (hey, I'm being honest) I schedule an appointment to meet with Dr. Moon......

Why do OB's feel the need to make you sit on that exam table half naked with nothing but a sheet covering you, a sheet that is barely big enough to wrap around you, so your be-hind is still hanging out right in front of the door to the exam room ready to flash anyone that might be in the hallway when said door opens. As if that is not bad enough you sit there half exposed waiting for what feels like an eternity while you listen to your doctor in the hallway shooting the breeze with the nurses and other doctors (whose patients are half exposed on their tables). Is this part of some secret OB joke?

So, there I am half naked and exposed and very aggrivated that I am doing this consult for the umpteenth time when the door blasts open and a petite little Asian doctor comes storming in the room guns blaring.

YOUR SURE?

ummmm, yeah?

You understand this is permanent?

um, yeah

NO I mean it's IRE RE VERS A BLE

yep, kinda the point of having it done

NO, I mean you can't take it back, you will NEVER be able to have children again

yep, I know, kinda the point

NO, I mean like say something happens to your kid, you CAN'T have another

ummm, kinda morbid - but yeah, I get it

NO, I mean like if something happens and you get divorced and then meet a studly younger man who wants kids YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO HAVE ANY

yep, again kinda depressing scenario but I get it

NO, I mean you've got like 10 more good baby making years and you won't be able to have any

again, that's the point

*humpf* fine


Surgery scheduled, pre-opt appointment visit:

Setting: Uncomfortable exam room. Character is again half naked on table listening to doctor laugh in hallway with other naked patients doctors. Door suddenly BURSTS open and petite doctor storms in

YOUR SURE?

yes, Dr. Moon

IRE-RE-VERS-A-BLE

yes, Dr. Moon

CAN'T TAKE IT BACK

yes, Dr. Moon

NO MORE KIDS

yes, Dr. Moon

STUDLY MAN - WANTS KIDS

we can adopt Dr. Moon

*humpf* fine


Surgery done, recovery completed - post OP appointment-

Scene: Uncomfortable exam room. Character is half naked on exam table listening to her doctor laugh in hallway with other half naked patients doctors. Door BURSTS open and petite doctor barges in.

DO YOU KNOW HOW DIFFICULT YOUR PROCEDURE WAS?

um, no Dr. Moon

THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE AN IN AND OUT THING, NO MORE THAN A HALF HOUR AND HERE I AM STUCK WORKING ON YOU FOR LIKE AN HOUR AND A HALF!

um, I'm sorry Dr. Moon?

PUT THOSE STINKING BANDS ON AND THEY POPPED OFF, DO IT AGAIN, THEY POP OFF

um, sorry Dr. Moon?

THEN BECAUSE YOU JUST HAD THE BABY YOUR UTERUS IS SWOLLEN AND IT'S GETTING IN MY WAY

um, really sorry Dr. Moon? (I mean what else do you say in apology of your uterus? Is this something you send a card for "Sorry my uterus was in your way.)

THAT'S IT, FROM NOW ON I'M NOT DOING THESE THINGS UNTIL 6 MONTHS POSTPARTUM FROM NOW ON!

well, think about it this way Dr. Moon - I helped you create a new policy. There's always a silver lining right?

*humpf*